I'm a 32 year old woman in Chicago. I've had my profile on Geek 2 Geek for a month now and haven't received a single message. I look at the matches and see a lot of men who should be interested in me, but none of them has bothered to contact me. I went to the E-Cyrano site to get some tips on writing a profile, and have changed it a couple of times. Still no messages. What's the problem?
It sounds to me like you're afraid to take the plunge. It's really very simple – instead of waiting for someone to contact you, try and take the initiative and search for profiles that interest you and contact THEM! You're 32 years old – if you were 60 I'd attribute your fear of being forthright to your generation, but you don't really have an excuse in your case. Geek men tend to be shy. Also, men are tired of being the ones who have to assert themselves in every situation, they're sitting back and letting women take care of it now.
You should realize that being a hetero female has a certain advantage for you. You have a lot more options these days – in fact, the odds are in your favor! So stop trying to wait for things to happen and MAKE them happen, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Sure, you may experience lack of response, and even rejection, but that's all a part of the game, and if you don't try you'll never succeed.
Dear Geek Goddess
I've been a member of Geek 2 Geek for 6 months, and have met several guys. None of them are anything close to what I want. I read their profiles and always find something that is bothersome. They have low level jobs (most of the men on Geek 2 Geek seem to be in the computer industry as opposed to having a profession), they write poorly, or they are not good conversationalists, etc. etc. I'm interested in someone who is independent, charming, professional, and, quite honestly, good-looking.
I'm in my early 40's, never married, and never actually had a serious relationship. I always imagined myself with a dream man who picks me up in his luxury car to go to a fancy restaurant and a show (not a movie, a live show). Instead, the guys I meet take me for pizza and a movie. My last date suggested we see "Doom". You can see the problem.
I've also had my profile on a couple of other dating sites, including the one that claims to have a scientific system for matching. Frankly I've had no better results there. While their profiles sound wonderful, the guys don't measure up to their descriptions most to all of the time.
You've never had a serious relationship and you're over 40? I find that astounding. What's even more astounding is your vision of a "sweet sixteen" romance, where the guy comes to your house in his little red sports car and tight jeans with a bouquet of cliche red roses and takes you to the opera, where his tight jeans are found completely acceptable when paired with a "smart casual" blazer and tie. How very 1985. You say you want someone refined, yet you're getting someone who thinks a gourmet meal is a cloth napkin to go with his bag of pork rinds.
It seems like you're just taking a date with anyone without doing much screening. You mention three things that are important to you – job, communication and looks. Two out of three of these characteristics can be determined before meeting anyone in person. How do you avoid going on a date with a man who has a low level job? Simply ask him when you begin talking. How do you find out if a man has good communication skills? Email first, phone next. I agree that photographs can be deceiving. Someone can send you a genuine picture of himself from ten years ago, 40 pounds earlier (both men and women do this, unfortunately). But you seem like your screening process needs a bit of work. Before you dive into a date you need to talk with him first, find out what he truly is like and then if you're still interested, arrange a meeting.
What does your profile look like? Is it specific to what you won't tolerate? While you don't want to scare men away you also want to be clear about what it is that you want so you don't waste your time with a complete oaf.
